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| Q: | Dear Julia,
My girlfriend had just lost her father 3 months ago, after a long illness. During her father's illness, I always accompany her and comforted her. When her father has passed away, my girlfriend wants me to leave her alone for a certain of time. I obey her. After 2 months in isolation, she is now asking for breaking up with me. I don't understand the way she acting now. I certainly do not agree with her for breaking up. But she is angry now at me. What should I do? Thanks C
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| A: | Dear C,
Your girlfriend is fortunate to have such a supportive boyfriend by her side. However, grief can be a long and difficult cycle to go through. Often the person that has experienced the loss really starts to notice it more a few months after the funeral. Because at the time of the death, the normal daily life routine has been disturbed and they have many friends and family around for support. For some people, it’s a few weeks or months after when they notice the loss even more when their loved one is not there to reach out to talk to or visit with. They notice their loved one missing from their daily life routine and this can be extremely painful. Your girlfriend might be going through this even though her father was battling a long illness. You should understand there are five main stages of grief: 1. Denial and Isolation 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance It sounds as if your girlfriend is experiencing the typical grieving stages and moving from isolation to anger. During the anger stage, the grieving person often becomes angry with themselves, others and God over the loss of their loved one. She may be targeting you out as a scapegoat to vent her anger on. Often the person closest to the person grieving may experience the most aggressive rage and blame. While this is obviously unpleasant for you, anger is a normal stage and you need to let her get through this. What I would recommend is for you to stay supportive and available for her. If she wants to break up, perhaps suggest just taking a break. Give her some space and time. As she appears to be going through the anger stage in the grieving process, try not to take the blame and rage personally as it’s very likely there is little you could do to change in your behavior to make her less angry. Continue to be supportive and available and hopefully she will pass through this stage in a few weeks. Hope this helps. Julia, your Bridge Beyond Guide |
| Q: | Dear Julia,
I need to know who all is allowed to pick up a death certificate. One of my friends died on Saturday due to a fatal car accident and her family has been contacted, but because they never cared about her. They don't want to help bury her. The woman who basically opened the door for this girl needs to know how to get her death certificate. She has her Social security card and her births certificate... Who is allowed to pick this up? Thanks so much and god bless,S |
| A: | Dear S,
Death certificates are often misused for identity theft. Whatever the personal feelings, her family is still legally her next of kin and the only people authorized to pick up the original death certificate document document. You did not mention how old your friend was, so it isn't clear if her parents have any legal obligation for burial arrangements. The fact that someone else has her birth certificate and SS card does not matter. Legally, those should be returned to her family. These are horrible circumstances, and I am so sorry for your loss, and for the issues facing her friend. Julia, your Bridge Beyond Guide |
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