Bridge Beyond

Death of a Friend

Loss of a friend can be very difficult

During your lifetime, you acquire many friends and acquaintances through school, work, church, hobbies, and other activities. Some friendships last a lifetime. Others last a period of time and slowly dissolve due to changes and transitions in your life.

A friend is someone you trust, someone with whom you share a bond of closeness that could not be filled by another at that specific time. Whether a friend fills the role of mentor, secretkeeper, advisor, or companion, the feelings you have for that person are feelings of endearment.

What happens when a friend dies? No matter what the circumstances surrounding the death are, the shock can be overwhelming, and you may find yourself asking, "How could this have happened? I can't believe he/she is gone! It's horrible."

After the shock subsides, the pain of grief occurs. A part of this grief is emotional pain. You may experience numbness, confusion, guilt, helplessness, or anger. These are common reactions. If you try to conceal these feelings, it could possibly make them even stronger at a later time. There are no shortcuts to grief.

Crying is the most common behavioral reaction to grief. Sometimes you think you will never stop crying. The sound of a favorite song, the sight of a beautiful sunset, the smell of a familiar fragrance, or the feel of a favorite garment can bring a torrential rain of tears. For no specific reason, tears will flow. Be patient with yourself. Other behavioral reactions include not being able to concentrate, being preoccupied, seeking solitude, and even becoming withdrawn from other friends.

Often, there are physical reactions to your loss. Sleep may be illusive. Your appetite could change; fatigue, increase in blood pressure, muscular tension can occur. Try to take care of yourself. Acknowledge the cause of your pain and work with your grief. Being able to identify the common reactions to grief lets you know that the feelings you are having are considered normal for people in grief.

Most of all, treasure the relationship you had with your friend. Let the memories of your friendship linger. Join a support group. Sometimes just knowing there is someone to talk to can relieve some of the emotional, physical, and behavioral reactions. Tell funny stories about your friend. Not only will others enjoy knowing about your friend, you will begin to heal and have a deeper comprehension of your relationship with that friend.

For some time after your loss, you may not want to have the closeness of friendship because of the pain of loss. But as time passes, you will find that the good memories and the experience of having a close friend far outweighs the pain of grief. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s good to accept the risk of friendship again; to open your heart and mind to the experience of developing a new friend.

Common reactions to grief:

Emotional Reactions