Funeral Frequently Asked Questions

Funeral FAQ Common Funeral Myths What Not to Say

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• Do I have to wear black to a funeral?
• Should children attend a funeral?
• What do I say to the family?
• What is a visitation?
• What is a private funeral service?

There was a time when everyone wore black to a funeral. It is no longer required that you wear all black. Your outfit should be appropriately conservative and respectful for the family and others in attendance. It is acceptable to wear navy or dark, subdue colors. Ensure the overall look is modest and professional.

You can't go wrong with a sober dress or skirt suit for women and a summer suit or jacket and trousers, with tie, for men. Black or other dark colors are good but not required, unless you are in an official capacity as an usher or pallbearer. Don't wear anything festive; this would rule out capri pants for women and seersucker suits for men. (If the very name of the style or fabric makes you smile when you say it, it's probably not appropriate for a funeral.) Stockings are appropriate and closed-toe shoes are better than sandals. Women should wear sleeves or a wrap, even in summer.

The thing to keep in mind isn't specific dos and don'ts, however, but to show your respect for the solemnity of the occasion without drawing attention to yourself. If the deceased's family members remember later that you were at the funeral, supporting them with genuine affection, kind words, and perhaps a gift of flowers, food, or a charitable donation "and cannot recall what you wore" then you dressed, and behaved, beautifully.

There was a time when everyone wore black to a funeral, but that is no longer required. Your outfit should be appropriately conservative and respectful for the family and others in attendance. It is acceptable to wear navy or dark, subdue colors. Ensure the overall look is modest and professional.

Whether or not a child should attend a funeral is a personal decision to be made with the child. If the child was close to the deceased it is fine for the child to attend if he or she feels comfortable doing so. The best thing to do is to talk to the child about how they are feeling and answer their questions about what a funeral is and what will happen there. If the child is younger, they may not fully understand what is happening and may not benefit from attendance.

There is no right thing to say. Simply express your sympathies honestly in your own words. You can also sincerely say, "I am sorry for your loss. He/She will be missed."

See Sympathy for more information.

A visitation generally takes place at the funeral home and is a time where last respects can be paid to the deceased. This is also a good time to convey your sympathies to the deceased's family before the funeral. The date and time of the visitation can be obtained from the family, funeral home, or may be listed in the funeral announcement.

A private funeral service is one that is closed to the public. Attendance is requested by invitation only.

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