Shiva

Jewish Funeral Shiva

Naturally everyone who knew the deceased person is in various degrees of mourning depending on the relationship with the person who passed away. However, in Jewish law, a mourner is one of seven immediate family members who are expected to directly observe the mourning period: the mother and father, son and daughter, brother and sister, (including half-brother and half-sister), and husband and wife.

These seven certain members of the family in mourning do not wear leather shoes, put on make up or use perfume, shave, take haircuts, or bathe, and no marital relationships take place. Ribbons or clothing are cut to identify mourners. Often at the funeral, the Rabbi or a representative tears the blouse or shirt of the seven mourners as a sign of mourning. It is called tearing the Kria. For a mother or father, the left side of the shirt is ripped because it is considered a deeper loss for the parent who brought the deceased into the world and are considered closest to you in feelings. For other family members, the right side of the shirt is torn.

Depending on the religious sect, head coverings may be required as part of the funeral dress code. The Funeral Service takes place at the Synagogue where prayers, eulogies and sermons will be conducted.

For Orthodox services both sexes are required to cover their heads, yarmulkes for men and scarves for women. For Conservative services, only men are required to wear yarmulkes. For Reformed services, the choice is optional.

The word Shevah in Hebrew means seven, and the word Shiva is taken from that to mean seven days of mourning following the funeral. After the funeral, the community cares for the mourner, visiting the home during the first week after the burial. At the first meal after the funeral, mourners eat a hard-boiled egg and something round to indicate that life is like a circle and the mourners have no words to describe their loss.

During the week of Shiva, family members and friends come to comfort the mourners, regardless of their religious beliefs. It is customary to bring food, although you may want to check if the mourning family keeps kosher. If they do, then bring either uncut fruit or bakery goods from a kosher bakery or store. All mirrors in the house where the family is sitting Shiva are covered as mourners are not to be vain. All mourners sit on low stools or the floor. During that time, mourners do not work or venture out.

Customs vary as to when one may visit the grave site. In Israel, it is customary for people to go on the day they finish sitting Shiva. Others may go at the end of the Shloshim (The Thirty Days), others don't go for eleven months. Jewish families often visit the graves of their loved ones before holidays and on the anniversaries of their deaths, called yahrzeit (Yiddish for "a year's time").

Visitors can bring live flowers although the Orthodox custom, which many other Jewish people also do, is to put stones on the grave instead. Putting a pebble on the grave is an expression of someone having visited to pay respect for the deceased person.

Customs also vary about the Tombstone Unveiling ceremony. In Israel, many people do it after 30 days, other people do it at the 11th month after the burial. The family Rabbi would be the best person to check with.

Any information can be put on the tombstone. Usual procedure is to place both the English and Hebrew names of the deceased on the tombstone with their fathers name. Some people may also list the birth date and the date that the person passed away. Jewish people who are Cohenim or Leviim also put symbols such as a pair of hands or a wash basin to show that they are a Cohen or a Levi.

During the first month, mourners do not attend weddings, bar/bat-mitzvahs or other events that have music. The son or daughter of the deceased do not attend for 12 months. They also do not shave or cut their hair. During the first year, public celebrations are minimal for mourners.

The Yarzheit (anniversary date of passing) is on the day the person passed away according to the Jewish calendar. At home, family members light a yahrzeit candle (which burns for 24 hours) for the deceased.

Yizkor (memorial) services are held four times a year, on Yon Kippur, Shavuot, Passover and Sukkot. Yizkor is a prayer said in memory of the person. This prayer is said on Yom Kippur, Shimini Atzeretz, on the last day of Passover, and Shavuot.

During the first year after a parent passes away, one joins in the Yizkor services on the three Festivals and Yom Kippur but does not say the prayer. One of the reasons is because Kaddish is said for the person everyday during the first eleven months. Yizkor in Hebrew means remember.

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