If you stare blankly at that sympathy card not knowing what to write, you are not alone. Finding something to say that feels right when someone has died is not easy. What do you say? What can you say that could possibly make any difference? Do you avoid even sending a card at all?
Death is something that is kept private in America. It's something we don't talk about a lot. It's something that we don't want to think about. When it comes time to sign a sympathy card we often draw a blank. We want to show the recipient that we feel for their loss. We want to help. We want to make everything okay.
Of course we know that words on a card will not make everything okay. Nor will they bring anyone back. However, your words can provide comfort and they can help heal.
Sympathy cards and letters become part of the total mourning experience for the survivor. Cards are often kept and sometimes read and reread during times of grief. Something scribbled in a card can become a reassurance for someone in mourning.
What you will write will certainly depend on the situation and your acquaintance level with the recipient. A card sent to your sister after the loss of a child is much different than one you'd send to an acquaintance that lost a grandmother. How well did you know the deceased? Was it a sudden unexpected death or has it been a long time coming? All of these factors will affect what you write. If in doubt, keep it short. A short phrase or verse added just above your signature makes a card feel more personal than one that is just signed. A poem or bible verse can also be used.
Above all, be sincere and understanding. Only you know what the right thing for your particular situation is. Your objective is to let the recipient know that you are thinking of them and you care. Just the fact that you care enough to send a card or flowers is often all that matters anyway. Whether you need something to say on a gift card for flowers or a handmade card... we've got examples to get you started!
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| Religious Funeral Customs | What not to say | Grief |
