It's often hard and possibly uncomfortable to come up with the right words to say to someone that has recently lost someone. Remember, the most important thing is that you are there for the person, not just immediately after, but also to keep in touch months afterwards as often this is when the mourner most notices the loss. To help you to avoid any uncomfortable situations, we've come up with a list of items to avoid saying.
Don't say the deceased person is "in a better place". This might be true in your belief system, but you should not assume that the griever feels the same way. They might think that there is not better place than for their loved one to be right at their side.
Don't say, "You just need to keep busy". This presumes that you know how to handle the loss of the loved one better than the mourner. They might be better off focusing their full attention on their feelings.
Don't say, "I know what you're going through." Even if your mother and your friend's mother died from the same disease, your relationships with them are individually sacred and distinct. So try not to say this or even suggest how your friend might cope. Being a good listener and being their for your friend to lean on will be much more helpful.
Don't say that a death is "a blessing in disguise." If a friend's father was suffering, you should never assume that they feel his death was welcome.
Do say, "I'm thinking of you." Show your support by approaching the bereaved wiwth your hands out. Many grieving people feel smothered by well-meaning huggers. this gives the person the option to shake hands.
Do say, "I'll bring dinner for the next three Thursdays." If you want to offer to help, make it concrete. Another thoughtful gesture is to make a donation in the name of the deceased to a charity the deceased cared about and let the family know.
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